My dad, Red Forman
June 1, 2007My relationship with my father was a lot like that of Eric and Red Forman (Topher Grace and Kurtwood Smith from That 70's Show), except that I didn't think my dad was too funny. How could I? There was no laugh track to cue when my father gave out one of his pearls of wisdom ala Red Forman ("dumb-ass!"). As far as I can remember, his favorite thing to say to me was "Damuho ka!", one of its substitutes "Dimonyo ka!", or my personal favorite, "Diablo ka!" There was one time when I said "diablo" over and over again after I pissed him off (…diabloh, DI-ab-lo, diABlow… it was such a fun word to hear and say!). That, of course, pissed him off even more.
It wasn't always like that though, when I was younger, my dad was the one who always spoiled me. Usually bringing something home from the office—whether it was siopao (from Oz, the best siopao place in Caloocan in the 80's!) or just a pack of gum, I was always waiting for him to come home, ready to hand him his slippers after he took off his shoes. My mother taught me that little trick, para daw lagi akong me pasalubong! That worked for a while, until he forgot the suhol several days in a row, then the siopao or candy came even less and less frequently, until he forgot the suhol altogether. Now, even as a kid, I was pretty smart, and I realized that my parents had been conditioning me like a dog—treats for tricks at first, slowly withdrawing the treats, until dog-boy performed all his tricks without the treats. One day dad came home and I was at the door of their room, arms crossed in front of my chest: "siopao ko?!" "sarado na yung Oz eh…" "kaw kumuha ng tsinelas mo!" "Damuho ka!" Couldn't say I blame him though, I wasn't much to be proud of as a kid, much as it pains me to admit it now, but I was a pretty typical pre-pubescent kid. Oh sure, I thought I was all that, special and a half (something I've carried over till today). Now I look back and see how selfish and self-centered I was. Still am. Fathers back then didn't have the luxury of awareness and understanding that Oprah or Dr. Phil have brought us (hindi ako nanonood ng Oprah, nakwento lang sa akin yun ng kaibigan ko…). Fathers back then were expected to make money while mom raised the kids, and used dad as a constant threat for discipline (lagot ka sa tatay mo pagdating nya mamya—much like the threat of a weapon of mass destruction). And why do fathers have punishment built-in into their attires? Thick leather belts! Those belts could have been made from cotton or polyester like a lot of my belts now, but nooo, belts from the 80s had to be made of thick, heavy leather?! Kids these days have it easy, corporal punishment is frowned upon?! Why just now?!! Where was Bantay Bata 163 when my dad was whaling on my behind?!! Fathers back then were definitely not touchy-feelie, one of the few times I remember dad hugged me was in the Lenten season of 1994. We had just come home from church, dad was the only one at home because he was sick (translation = tinatamad), and he gave each and every one in the family a hug… remember, this was during the holy week, and he was probably watching some religious special, and probably feeling all holy and pious… I gave him my best Doubting Thomas-look and said "me napanood ka no?" (I was such a smart-ass). Well, that ruined it for him. Guess what he told me?—"Damuho ka!"—Dah-moo-hwoo-woo-hoo-hooo… Tama!
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and have all the respect for him. I always tell my friends of how my father started out as a security guard in the company he ended up working more than 25 years for. But he was smart (mana sa akin!) and hardworking (mana sa nanay ko!), and he made his way to upper management after just a few years. I doubt a present-day hard-working dad could achieve half of what he was able to. Its just not likely without a diploma these days (I started out as a copyeditor in 2000, now I'm a copyeditor in 2007! Woot!).
My father, he came from the old school of parenting. A mite detached and distant, trying to maintain his disciplinarian facade. And us, his kids, we've had varying degrees of success in dealing with that facade. Fathers are always disappointed with the way his kids turn out (or at least my father is). After having provided all the best, or at least better than what he had to work with, he might resent the fact that we're not millionaires yet, or politicians (same adjective?), or successful… I've come to accept that. Funny enough, I got that epiphany from watching "That 70's Show." You have to step back to see just how funny it all is, even without the laugh track. My dad was Red Forman and I was Eric Forman (except that I don't have a hot Donna girlfriend). I'm always trying to get away with something, my dad is always there to foil my plans and teach me a lesson by being insensitive and calling me a dumb-ass. Tama!
So I've stopped trying to impress him, stopped being hurt when I disappointed him, stopped thinking that everything I did was just not up to his high standards. I started living my own life. And started appreciating him for what he is… one tough sonnavabitch that I look up to (he's built like Wolverine too!). It's just so much more comfortable living with dad and treating him as just another person, perhaps an older friend, instead of seeing him as the stern taskmaster. I feel sad when I see how brother B is still exasperated whenever he talks to my father. I don't think he's gotten past the stern taskmaster portion of his relationship with my dad. He'd better get there, and soon.
Previous Comments
wow! ang lufet! may second post na! kapag naka-10 ka bigyan kita ng siopao?! ha?!
nu ni nu ni nu
may part na natawa ako.
may part na naiyak (muntik lang pala) ako.
pwede nang pelikula to!
Damuho ka!
“kapag naka-10 ka bigyan kita ng siopao?! ha?!” - pito na lang!! me libre na ko siopao!!! woohoo!!!
Posted by t2rad at June 5, 2007, 1:39 am
heheh i see you have your father’s hair… happy father’s day to your dad, and all fathers out there
Posted by onyxx at June 1, 2007, 11:32 pm